Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Accountant's Ledger: Entry 5

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“You ever scare somebody? Seen 'em jump, or just go ramrod stiff? Funny as hell. I mean it. Just try scaring somebody. If you don't laugh, then you have no sense of humor. I don't care if you think I'm nuts for liking my job, liking to scare somebody's just a naturally funny thing. Not just that, but it's got other uses too. Makes people get all panicky if you're scaring them in a serious situation. Makes them freak out, makes them make mistakes, and if you're lucky, they'll do something that's really stupidly funny.

“Since I won't name names, 'cause that'd be kriffing hypocritical of me, and if there's one thing I'm not, it's a hypocrit. Usually. Mostly. Sometimes. Alright, not all the time, but still. For this situation, I'm gonna keep shut on who it was. Don't know why, considering no one's gonna ever hear these. Lets just call them...Reporter. That works. It's not very subtle, but I'm only a subtle person when it's good for a job. And trust me, it can be good for a job. Sorry. On subject. We'll get to that later.

“So yeah. Freaked someone the kriff out. Made it seem like I was gonna get all mad and stuff. Maybe gonna off 'em. Maybe gonna hurt 'em badly. It's been a long time since I've seen someone shake like that. Seriously. They had to grab their arm just to keep still. It was freaking hilarious. Give someone the impression that they've got reason to be worried and they will be. Some people can take that kind of thing, which is boring, and others can't. Guess my favorite of those. I'd give you two guesses, but that's two too many.

“Back on topic. She ended up running off for a call or something. Someone else who was watching her, apparently wanting to talk to her too, talked to me a bit. Didn't get the point, I guess. Some freaky two personality or some weird armor or something else going on with them. Apparently they were still organic but yeah. Was kinda weird. They walked off right after they told me to not make threats towards miss Reporter. I'm really scared. Just outright terrified. Not.

“I like to think that everybody's scared of something. And I'm sure as hell not afraid of threats or whatever. There's no point. They wanna threaten me, whatever. I don't make threats. If she got a mark put on her head? I'd consider taking it. If anything because it'd be interesting, maybe. I'd have to think about it. If anything, I know she'd be all paranoid by that point. So at the least I'd have the chance to watch her shake and panic again. By that point, though, bet she'd be a hell of a lot more armed. If she wasn't, I figured her to be way smarter than she actually is. If you're walking around unarmed with a mark on your head, you're either stupid, or arrogant. And there's not much of a difference between the two.

“Arrogance might as well be stupidity in plenty of situations. Makes you blind to a bunch of stuff, and makes you ignorant to the possibility of you getting your ass kicked. Also? It makes my job tons easier. But also less fun. I know I come off as arrogant all the time. I like to think I'm just 'confident', because I'm more than willing to acknowledge the fact that eventually, somebody's gonna be able to do better than me, and I'll probably be dead. And I'm perfectly fine with that. Circle of life. Live. Die. It'll happen. Do I want it to happen? Hell no. What do you take me for, suicidal? I mean. I want it to happen eventually, but not now. Sure as hell don't wanna end up all old and stuff. Boring.

“And at the rate I'm going? Gonna have an entire bar full of people wanting me dead soon enough. A lot of them because they don't agree with my uh. 'Beliefs'. Guess when you get joy out of killing people a bunch of people don't like you? I can't even begin to wonder why! I mean. It's almost like I'm a freaking nut or something. They ignore the fact that there are plenty of people who go around bragging about it. Like, say. An entire freaking culture, made up of kriffing idiots in a constant state of wanting to argue about who's got more skulls or whatever it is they go on about. I don't take pride in my work. I enjoy what I do, and I do what I do because I enjoy it. But it's still killing people. And that's just part of life.

“Not really overly concerned about not being Miss Popular, either. Or Misses, I guess. Considering. Whatever. Not a priority. Far from it. Popularity isn't good in a job that requires you to be ending lives. Makes things complicated sometimes if they see you in a crowd and think you give a damn about conversation. Piece of advice, that. Another piece? Emotional. Connections. Suck. When your 'best friend' or whatever gets a price on their head, what are you going to do? Defend them? Do you understand how stupid that would look, especially if you want to look like a professional. And that's what this job should be about. Being a professional. Now, some people say professionals are polite. I say those people should go kriff themselves, because they're complete idiots. If you wanna be polite about murdering someone, you're more kriffed up than me. And I'm a kriffing psychopath. What you need to be to be professional, if you ask me? Know what you're doing. If you don't know, find out, or don't act like you know. Acting like you know can put you somewhere that isn't pleasant, when you actually need to know. Be efficient. Be quick. Be deadly. And at the end of the day, do all your taxes so that you don't have to deal with the dumb collectors. Have terms, and make sure you get to work within them. If people want a professional, it means they're willing to accept them.

“I can't make any promises that that'll work. Hell. I won't make any promises, considering no one is gonna see these, 'sides me. You might say 'what if your datapad gets sliced?' Well if that happens, either I let it happen, or someone is going to need a box about their size, and a hole in the ground to put it in. Bang.”

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